Chapter 20: Replaceable

I'm a total fool
I lose again
all my fingers grip
around holding you in

And I thought we were friends
but I'm wrong again
I thought it was me
but it was something I had

you use me, you lose me
you pull me in two
betrayed and broken
I'm nothing to you

Got what you needed
glad I could give
you insult my worth
now just let me live

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This past week I had a huge hit to my intellectual intelligence which I had to neatly hide away under my gripping smile. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're being manipulated by someone you consider a friend. This cut is the deepest.

I put my trust, my time and effort, and even more valuable my whole-hearted belief in someone. This week they completely slapped me in the face by making me feel completely replaceable. I was hurt and insulted. It started to make me wonder if I'm just an asset and not actually a friend.

Chapter 14: And the Laughter is Gone

My hands are tied in a relationship made of right
Where wrong has no light
And I do everything in the perfect way
Coloring in the lines

Because you’re not sure
If the living is a lie
Or if you’ll end up lonely when you die
The doors are all locked

When you have to choose
Between time and laughter
Take your happiness now or later
It’s hard to know

That one day you’ll be unable to grow
And that your chances
Have all gone by
And you can blame the dream

They told you when you were young
That this is right and wrong
Regardless of if you’re dead inside
And the laughter is gone