Dream Theories

Occasionally, I dream really, really hard and when I wake up it takes me awhile to figure out which reality is real. Last night, most of my dream consisted of a mall, a lost bag, searching, shower, nakedness, legs, a concert/parade/rally, and weird baby/dog people.

I knew two people in my dream from real life but most were made up people with distinct personalities. There was this one girl who I think I borrowed heavily from the movie Whip it because she was super funky but her parents wouldn’t let her go out to this really amazing concert. OR maybe that was me in HS I was projecting into the girl. lol.

I don’t usually carry purses/bags but it was me in the mall who had lost my bag. I remember losing right after I was in this shoe store and realized there were twenty live hidden cameras in the store trying to film this famous person who was standing near me. I ran out of the store but then realized I had lost the bag which apparently was super expensive. I then spent what seemed like an eternity trying to locate the bag all the while every store in the mall I passed seemed to be a candy/icecream/cake shop. It was very distracting.

The shower scene was odd. It involved a RL friend of mine who I was just hanging out with and we had to get ready for something. The room turned into a shower and the next thing I know I’m just casually showering in an open stall and so is he. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it. In fact, he was trying to be funny and swish his thingy around like I saw in the pool scene in the movie Kids. I was laughing so hard. Then a friend I only know online comes in and starts talking to us as well. He’s a bit surprised I’m there, like I probably didn’t belong there because I didn’t have a penis. I sometimes suspect my mind has convinced itself it’s a boy.

I think the leg bit has to do with the fact that I took a bunch of photos of me with my new thigh high socks I like to wear under my PJ pants. I have two type of socks I love wearing. I either like the super high ones or the expensive form fitting ones you usually wear when you go hiking. I have this phobia of my socks falling off while I’m sleeping and waking up with bare cold feet. The higher the sock, the less likely it can fall off during the night. Anyhow, last night I had crazy paranoia about my sock picture folder being posted accidentally so I think that’s why I had a good chunk of my dream dedicated to legs. This is my theory anyhow. The funny thing was that it involved some chick who constantly had to use this spray hose to wash her legs off. Dreams are weird, don’t ask.

The baby/dog thing was probably the most fucked up part because this woman was super sick but pregnant. For some reason she didn’t want to give birth to it because it was some kind of hybrid dog baby thingy. I think the baby thing came from the fact that this girl I’ve been following online for the past 10 years just had a baby. She doesn’t even know me and I just started to comment on her flickr photos like a few months ago but otherwise, we have zero relations. Oddly enough, she’s probably the closest thing to a person I have a vested interest in who has had a kid. She just gave birth like two days ago and I find it surreal that I’m genuinely excited for her. And I get to now follow her new life with the kid (I know, I sound like a freaky stalker at this point). Anyhow, her baby looks nothing like a dog. But the woman in my dream had a bizarre family that was all up in arms about her sickness and the state of the baby. When it came out, it wasn’t as odd as you might think. The woman barely survived and I remember her family like all huddled next to her like vultures.

And then I woke up.

Queen B Drone in Disguise

Every time I’m headed out the door to do stuff, it begins to rain. It started the day before yesterday and has continued through today. It’s a bit annoying because I really love the rain so long as I’m indoors.

Yesterday, I had to venture out to submit plans to the City Permit office for my work. In the city of Austin, you have to personally hand deliver everything for permitting. You can’t just mail it in because I guess that would be too convenient.

You know how you see architects in the movies and they are walking around with those sexy rolls of drawings under their arms? It’s not like that in reality. In reality, those things are a minimum of 8lbs. In my case, I was carrying three copies of eighty page set in addition to two more sets I got the next day. It must have weighed 20lbs. It sucks. And people who say lift with your knees can go suck it. I’m lucky if I can get the fucking thing off the ground let alone what I lift with… I’m surprised my knees didn’t pop out of the sockets. I have like zero muscle mass.

Oddly enough, the guy I was handing the drawings off to was pure muscle mass. He was this medium height black dude with an upper body built like a super hero action figure. It was weird because his lower half looked super slim. Sexy arms though. He picked those drawings up like they were straws.

Unfortunately, there is so much red tape involved with the permitting office. I can’t even go into how annoying the whole process is and how many times you have to put yourself back in que to sometimes just talk to the person in the next cube. Long, already boring story short, I ended up having to get back in line to talk to the permit application woman. After waiting like thirty minutes, she finally came to see me and took me to her cubicle.

Inside, the cubicle is pretty boring and basic materials. However, all along her walls were these oddities that hinted she had a strong underlying sense of decadence that extended beyond the straight jacket world of the permitting office. She had a popular all girl car club poster up as well as several sci-fi musical shows and female roller derby signs. She even had this story posted up in her cube for people like me to be able to read while waiting around. I’ll post it at the end of this post but it’s not your normal “prayer” or “be good to humanity” stories you usally read in those cubicles.

Her appearance also nodded to her subculture sway. She had one of those retro chic haircuts that was died black and bangs cut short and curled under. I could tell she had several tattoos despite the fact she was wearing a cardigan jacket.

I actually looked her up on myspace just to see if my suspicions were right and sure enough she did belong to a group on the wall. And all this would have added to my delight to interact with this woman but for the fact that she was stone cold. She acted so annoyed with me while we were walking through the permit process of the project in question and would barely look me in the eye (she was too busy rolling it).

I just didn’t get it. I guess she dismissed me as a drone child and thus treated me like one? All that subtext of a more interesting person underneath and not a drop of warmth. So of course I started fantasizing about her internal neurosis to try and wrap my head around it. My guess was that she’s one of those people who join subcultures not to make a niche within her own kindred but rather for the reason you see faux nerdy, fake gaming, tech poser actors and actresses in the Geek culture. I know it’s cynical, but I think it’s true. A lot of these small fishes in big ponds like to migrate to the smaller ponds to make themselves look bigger.

That’s my analogy for this woman. She’s one of those posers who fronts with her friends that she’s part of an alternative lifestyle but in reality she’s a Queen B drone in disguise. Of course, this is just my hateful fantasy I projected on to her because she treated me so poorly. lol. Maybe she was just having a bad day and I’m the asshole. Probably.

I just never get people who are in the service department who make zero effort to be nice. They are in the service industry for godsakes. They have the opportunity to make a small part of someone’s day nice and pleasant. Such is the world I guess. I sighed when I left and was glad to be back in the rain honestly. It was more cheerful than in that building. I guess this is why my father is always telling me to smile more. Our shells project more than our existence, they effect moods.

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This was the story attached to the wall of the cubicle:

The love story of Ralph and Edna.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays soundmindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

2009 Spending Chart

2009 Spending Chart, originally uploaded by alachia.

I kind of freaked out when I went to look at my Spendature Analysis of my credit card. It seemed all excessive when you look at it all at once. I kept going OMG, I spent X amount of dollars at this place and how did I spend X amount here!!!?

In reality, it's not too bad. I spent about 30% of what I make per year which I was told isn't too bad. I don't pay cash for anything so except for my mortgage this is my full expenditure for the year of 2009.

I definitely see places I can cut costs though. I have way too many "extra services" charges for misc things here and there and I really need to stay the fuck away from Bed Bath and Beyond!! It's my credit card's arch nemesis apparently. LOL. Actually, I don't think it'd be that high if it weren't for the fact that the new house created a need for more household knick knacks.

The top 3 Merchandise Vendors were Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon.com, and Wal-Mart (Blizzard Entertainment was #7)

The top 3 Services charges went to T-Mobile, AC repair, and Home Inspections (from buying/selling a house last year)

I have no idea why Education is listed because that slice of the pie was from buying six John Mayer tickets. And the Government charges were UPS and Fed Ex shipping.

According to the chart, eating is low in my list of spending priorities. hahaha. But that's false because I spend quite a bit of money on groceries at Super Wal-Mart from time to time.

I'm going to spend this weekend purging re-occurring charges for services I don't need anymore. Goodbye Live Journal account! Woot. I have now saved 20 bucks for the whole year! Done!

Sleepless

Listening to Sleepless in Seattle on listentoamovie.com while working. I forgot how much I loved this movie the first time I saw it. I thought it was so endearing that the whole movie revolved around a romance between two people who had never met. They never meet until the end of the movie.

Of course this type of idealized relationship and paring is complete bullshit but it’s a nice little fantasy. I never believe there is this person out there that’s your magical perfect mate, I don’t know many people who do. I believe in circumstances, compromise, and convenience. NOT at all romantic but very practical. Still, it’s nice to allow your head to go to that mystical place where dreams are possible.

I really like the quiet and quirky nature of both the main characters. I used to love Meg Ryan before she swore off romantic comedies and then got her face muddled with plastic surgery. I never understand actors that turn their backs on the genres they are really awesome at in order to prove themselves to be serious at their profession. Hell, it’s all about entertainment so who cares if you can star in a drama or a comedy?

Anyhow…The whole movie is about a possibility that always exists in all of us to chase after a dream that we wish was there. The danger in this is that often, that dream doesn’t exist in reality and it’s hard to shake that growing up. As I got older and older, it became harder and harder to swallow the fact that opportunities of who I’d be were getting smaller. I used to have these totally crazy and elaborate fantasies as to what I’d be doing in my future life.

I certainly never thought I’d end up as a recluse with all passion drained from me. I thought I’d be a fancy architect living in New York or a bohemian film maker traveling all over Europe in the name of public art! I dreamed of a slew of friends and wonderful people I’d meet and all the awesome places I’d end up seeing.

Instead, I lived a very safe life. It’s nice, cozy, and a strong investment for my future. And I’m not a kid anymore and I realize you have to grow up and start taking on responsibilities and stop dreaming up a life you’ll never live. But every once in awhile, it’s quite nice to open up at the lock box of fantasies and have the cliché moment of “what if?”

Cedar Fever

I woke up today with a sore throat and a massive headache. I recently discovered the probable cause for my ailing health this winter. Cedar Fever. Apparently this year is worse than others. Between December to February is when the Cedar Mountain Trees are hurling their pollen into the air. They say the pollen clouds coming off the trees are so thick they look like smoke.

And yay for me, Cedar pollen is one of the most horrific allergen in this area. And even better, I’m now surrounded by Cedar trees!

Everyone around here that I talk to seems to be really suffering badly. In addition to the usual allergy symptoms like itchy, watery, red eyes, itchy runny nose, scratchy throat and sneezing, you also get lethargy and malaise plaguing you. It’s the fatigue of always being sick that makes you want to give up on life.

I was reading a website on all these tips for controlling Cedar Fever Season. Found out my dog is probably one of the biggest culprits as she brings in pollen dust every time she enters the house from outside. I do my best to wipe her down but I’m not sure if it helps much. I have to wash my sheets often and vacuum a lot too.

I never wanted to be a bubble girl so much in my life.

It’s crazy when I did research on how the pollen works and it makes me wonder if it wouldn’t be possible for plants to kill us one day like in that movie “The Happening”…. because these damn juniper plants are just about killing me and I barely ever head outdoors. I doubt I’ll be doing any outdoor activities until after February.

Pieces of Me

I am there. I am here. I have been here for so long. I’m accessible. You can read me, seem me, hear me, reach me whenever you want. It’s almost impossible for me to hide.

But you, you’re out there and I’ve got to do all the work. I have to dig, I have to search, and break my nails scratching. You think this is a fair relationship? It’s not. Pieces of me are scattered everywhere. I’m exposed.

It’s not fair to pretend like we’re on even ground. Friendships and relationships don’t get to just happen when it’s convenient for you, when you decide you need pieces of my soul.

So much of me over the years has wanted to lock it all up so you don’t get the advantage every time. So that I’m not so predictable and easy to read…so that you can’t use my weaknesses against me. It’s really not fair.

I feel like I’m the only one standing here naked and I don’t know why I just don't cover up and go back inside.

Mystery Science Theater Bindpoint

I ended up watching the first episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand and really hated it. It took me a few hours after watching it to process just how awful the show was. I went into bindpoint and was going on and on about all the things that I couldn’t believe was in this show.

I saw the first preview for this show in the theater when I went to go see 2012 back in the fall. It looked like a 300 knockoff but seemed like it could be promising. I swear though, within the first three minutes of the episode, you can tell it’s going to be bad.

Anyhow, I begged a few of them to watch it just to confirm I wasn’t just being overly critical. On a whim @celticlucas checked to see if it was Netflix. It was so he and @jaminbee started watching it. Celtic wanted to turn it off within the first ten minutes but he was encouraged by us to keep going…because “it gets so much worse".”

It’s just one of those types of pilot episodes that has so many wrong things about it that it’s hard to sum it up in just a few words. It had bad acting, bad plots, bad costumes, bad cgi, bad set design, bad directing, ill-placed boobs and sex, and corny blood splatter. It’s what you’d have expected the movie 300 to look like if it had been a B-movie.

The great thing though was that it was hilarious to watch together with commentary in bindpoint. I was laughing so hard my face hurt. We even waited for @azyxa and @suzuaara to watch the first episode before we went on to watch the following episode all together….where we were greeted with a sausage extravaganza and weird warm up sex with slaves. Over all the second episode was incredibly boring compared to the first which had way more fucked up scenes to laugh at.

It was really fun being able to share my misery with them. lol. I’m hoping we can do it more often. I wish there was a way to stream movies in sync.

Here’s a snippet of our chat from last night:

***Bindpoint***
***WoWast: Bindpoint Channel***
***Scroll Mouse over text box to pause scrolling***
(9:25:07 PM) Alachia: shoulda counted boobs
(9:25:14 PM) CelticLucas: hah
(9:25:21 PM) CelticLucas: all of those togas are wrong, btw
(9:25:35 PM) jaminbee: all drunk out of their minds
(9:25:37 PM) CelticLucas: man, they loooove the C word dont they
(9:25:39 PM) Rishal: Make a game of how many boobs there are?
(9:25:46 PM) jaminbee: did they even have the word cunt back then?
(9:25:52 PM) Alachia: good question
(9:25:52 PM) Rishal: No.....
(9:25:54 PM) CelticLucas: nope
(9:25:56 PM) jaminbee: to many to count rish
(9:25:59 PM) jaminbee: tits that is
(9:26:01 PM) Rishal: Drinking game, then
(9:26:03 PM) jaminbee: no dick yet though
(9:26:05 PM) CelticLucas: i just saw like 235 tits
(9:26:22 PM) jaminbee: now thats a drinking game
(9:26:26 PM) Rishal: Every time you see tits, take a shot. You'd be drunk 15 minutes in, I guess.
(9:26:29 PM) CelticLucas: not 236, because that one chick only had one boob out
(9:26:33 PM) jaminbee: 2 mins
(9:26:34 PM) CelticLucas: not even rish, first sex scene is at 6 minutes
(9:26:46 PM) Rishal: Good to know.
(9:27:20 PM) Rishal: Did they have the word "fuck" back then? NO!
(9:27:27 PM) CelticLucas: actually they did
(9:27:52 PM) CelticLucas: it wasnt fuck this it was more like 'i will penetrate you'
(9:28:01 PM) Rishal: Ha ha!
(9:28:10 PM) Alachia: hahah
(9:28:16 PM) jaminbee: oh my god
(9:28:19 PM) jaminbee: "kill them all"!
(9:28:36 PM) CelticLucas: and, there goes an arm
(9:28:38 PM) jaminbee: suddenly filled with anger and strength, kicks the shit out of everything
(9:28:45 PM) Alachia: latin futuo, to prick
(9:28:54 PM) Alachia: hehe
(9:28:57 PM) CelticLucas: lol
(9:29:01 PM) CelticLucas: exactly, alachia
(mouse over the chat box to stop text from scrolling up)