Chapter 4: Morbid Curiosity

So recently I joined the fast paced bandwaggon of Facebook. However, I still refuse to use my real name or post my real picture out there. For me, lately, there is something fundamentally important about remaining purely meta.

As for those who know me on the RL level, I've noticed Facebook as something of an anonymous tool of judgement. And my friends say I am very cynical to think this way but seriously, when you're finally adding a "friend" on face book whom you haven't seen in 10 years or more...and not only that, but you were never really friends in the first place.. How can you tell me that they're not just using the networking tool as way to see "how you turned out"

Did you get fat? Are you successful? Who has the higher degree? Who has the better job? Who seems like they have it all. And even if you got past those usual judgments, then you're usually left with the "now what?" question.

After all, you're just seeing someone's surface persona. You're judging them by a line of statistics, questionares, and a few carefully chosen pics. You're getting to know them by what they want you to see. And then what do you do? Do you really have a real relationship with someone when all you do is make short quips on their "walls"?

I don't buy it but I also realize that my definition of relationships and friends have always been far more guarded and particular than most. I keep a close knit group. I don't care for a wide circle of acquaintances. I see no real value in them. However, I know a lot of people do. So I respect that.

My issues is mostly with my division between my meta self and my real self. They aren't the same anymore. Not at all. The people who knew me in high school wouldn't recognize the meta me. I only projected a personable mirror when I was in high school and most of college...and especially at work. The meta me, is the real me.

I don't like the idea of my old HS acquaintances discovering who I am now. The gap between understanding is too large to overcome. I know that sounds harsh and snobbish. But I am so far beyond surface relationships at this time in my life. I was burned by the notion of friendship a long time ago. People come, people go.

But somehow being meta seems more permanent, stationary, and real. Is that odd?
I suppose it is. So I guess the truth is, I don't want them to see the real me. If I use that logic. Hmmm. So it seems.

[INSERT PICTURE HERE]
[INSERT COLLEGE DEGREE HERE]
[INSERT MARITAL STATUS HERE]
[INSERT FUTILITY HERE]