So I discovered today that Qwitter isn't such a good idea. First, I'm not sure I care if people lose interest in what I have to say. Most of what anyone has to say is of little meaning unless you actually have a vested interest in the person.
"Iron Council down! rune of death pwns face! fun times. good raid tonight"
That seems like a reasonable post by a WoW podcaster right? Or did I get something wrong? OH! That's right, WoW podcasters don't actually PLAY WoW!
Anyhow that one post had seven people stop following me immediately. I was a bit baffled. If anything, I thought I would have lost followers from my Gay Rights retweet post earlier. NOPE. Apparently Raid Progress is more taboo than political/religious beliefs! lol.
I thought about disabling Qwitter but now I'm a bit more curious as to what interest people and what doesn't. As I lean more towards revealing my RL side, how many people lose interest in my meta/wow side OR vise versa.
Chapter 23: Declutter
So I just got done talking to a "professional stager" as we're looking to put our house on the market very soon. I didn't want to have one come out as I'm pretty good at staging things myself. However, our Realtor really recommended we do it as staged houses sell at a much faster rate.
So let me save you all guys $125 dollars.
DE CLUTTER!
Yeah. I knew she was gonna say that. It's like a really key rule in all staged photos of spaces. You want all the knick knacks gone and out of site.
*Pretty much move all your "junk" into storage.
*Remove all personal photos and things with your name on them. You want to generalize the space but keep furniture and decor so people can imagine themselves living in the space.
* neutralize wall colors (bye bye green wall!)
*all rugs and bath mats gone as they bring the space down.
*all bathroom/shower/counter tops cleared save for decor.
*don't over clutter when decorating.
*clean all fixtures
I can't believe I paid this chic to come in and tell me all this. She tried to sell me the premium package too which would have cost up to 300 dollars. I was like, unless you're gonna do the "decluttering" for me, there's no way I'm paying that much to have you take notes and re-inspect my cleaning job. I feel like I just got robbed.
Chapter 22: Obsession
Have you ever had an obsession with someone or something to the point of debilitating madness. I get these once in a blue moon. It sometimes feels like you're heart has completely absorbed your brain and no logic will talk you down.
You know it's going to pass soon enough, eventually whatever chemical imbalance has washed through your brain waves will cleanse themselves out. However, until that time, your head is left reeling, spinning. It cycles over and over again replaying your obsessive thoughts like a broken record.
Each time, the same waves of highs and lows flutter through your entire body like gusts of wind, some gentle and others completely knock you down. And while this can have its moments of total ecstasy, for the most part you're in agonizing pain. You just want it to end...
You know it's going to pass soon enough, eventually whatever chemical imbalance has washed through your brain waves will cleanse themselves out. However, until that time, your head is left reeling, spinning. It cycles over and over again replaying your obsessive thoughts like a broken record.
Each time, the same waves of highs and lows flutter through your entire body like gusts of wind, some gentle and others completely knock you down. And while this can have its moments of total ecstasy, for the most part you're in agonizing pain. You just want it to end...
Chapter 21: Home
How much of your life is TMI and how much is just a touch too vague? I used to share it all. I miss that. But a part of me thinks the people who know me now just don't need that much access to my life.
Four years ago, this blog would entail my outing with the Realtor today which would probably include pics and descriptions of the homes we visited. It was a great day. I might have found my new dream home. It's a lovely two story home, completely brand new that sits on an acre of land.
We also visited three other properties which didn't really make my heart stop at all. For me, my home, my room, my space is very sacred. I spend so much of my time inside my house that how I feel in it is extremely important to me.
When I first thought of becoming an Architect, the only thing that connected me to the profession was the idea of manipulation through building. You can ultimately effect someone physically and emotionally by design. I truly believe that. However, in this country, very few investors are willing to put in the cash to make that a reality. It all go so depressing watching the art of spacial and building manipulation turn into big box productions.
Can you imagine the ability to turn stone, concrete, wood, and other structural materials into emotional triggers? I imagine that sense of control and power architects of the 16th and 17th centry must have felt. Patrons who paid such massive amounts of wealth to have structures constructed to awe and overwhelm the senses.
And the most bizzare thing today was that I sort of found myself laughing inside. Surely I can't have found my dream house on the first try? Who does that? And then the sadness sort of hits me. As solitary as my life is, even if I do get this house, I'll once again be alone in the sharing of it.
Four years ago, this blog would entail my outing with the Realtor today which would probably include pics and descriptions of the homes we visited. It was a great day. I might have found my new dream home. It's a lovely two story home, completely brand new that sits on an acre of land.
We also visited three other properties which didn't really make my heart stop at all. For me, my home, my room, my space is very sacred. I spend so much of my time inside my house that how I feel in it is extremely important to me.
When I first thought of becoming an Architect, the only thing that connected me to the profession was the idea of manipulation through building. You can ultimately effect someone physically and emotionally by design. I truly believe that. However, in this country, very few investors are willing to put in the cash to make that a reality. It all go so depressing watching the art of spacial and building manipulation turn into big box productions.
Can you imagine the ability to turn stone, concrete, wood, and other structural materials into emotional triggers? I imagine that sense of control and power architects of the 16th and 17th centry must have felt. Patrons who paid such massive amounts of wealth to have structures constructed to awe and overwhelm the senses.
And the most bizzare thing today was that I sort of found myself laughing inside. Surely I can't have found my dream house on the first try? Who does that? And then the sadness sort of hits me. As solitary as my life is, even if I do get this house, I'll once again be alone in the sharing of it.
Chapter 20: Replaceable
I'm a total fool
I lose again
all my fingers grip
around holding you in
And I thought we were friends
but I'm wrong again
I thought it was me
but it was something I had
you use me, you lose me
you pull me in two
betrayed and broken
I'm nothing to you
Got what you needed
glad I could give
you insult my worth
now just let me live
-----------------------
This past week I had a huge hit to my intellectual intelligence which I had to neatly hide away under my gripping smile. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're being manipulated by someone you consider a friend. This cut is the deepest.
I put my trust, my time and effort, and even more valuable my whole-hearted belief in someone. This week they completely slapped me in the face by making me feel completely replaceable. I was hurt and insulted. It started to make me wonder if I'm just an asset and not actually a friend.
I lose again
all my fingers grip
around holding you in
And I thought we were friends
but I'm wrong again
I thought it was me
but it was something I had
you use me, you lose me
you pull me in two
betrayed and broken
I'm nothing to you
Got what you needed
glad I could give
you insult my worth
now just let me live
-----------------------
This past week I had a huge hit to my intellectual intelligence which I had to neatly hide away under my gripping smile. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're being manipulated by someone you consider a friend. This cut is the deepest.
I put my trust, my time and effort, and even more valuable my whole-hearted belief in someone. This week they completely slapped me in the face by making me feel completely replaceable. I was hurt and insulted. It started to make me wonder if I'm just an asset and not actually a friend.
Chapter 19: You Get What you Deserve
Did I do a cruel thing? I guess I'll never really fully understand my motives for publishing the episode. I will be haunted by it forever. And nothing anyone can say will make me feel worse than what I put my own emotions through. I am very hard on myself when it comes to being introspective.
I'll tear myself down much harder than anyone ever could. And to think that I might have consciously hurt someone so badly. That's something that will eat me up inside for a very long time. And nothing is going to take that back. You make mistakes. You have to live with them. And while I could take it down and put up yet another apology, the truth is the damage is done.
And while I could sit there and fight him on yet another one of his string of lies and accusations that he never gave me permission blah blah blah. I honestly don't care anymore. He has every right to pick at me and hurl hatred at me. I deserve it for what I must have put him through. I deserve it all.
You summon Godzilla by taunting him, you deserve to get your city burned and crushed. I'm only sorry I didn't have the foresight to come to this realization earlier.
Chapter 18: Trapped in my Mind
Lately I've been completely depressed. I don't know what it is. It's nothing in particular I suppose. I guess I just feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness.
It's not that I don't have people around me. In fact, lately, I've been keeping myself in conversations and talking to people constantly. But just because you're around people doesn't make you feel less lonely.
The problem is that I'm not free to say the things I want to say sometimes. I'm trapped by not having any real confidants to confide in and so I keep everything to myself..the real things I want to say and feel. I have to become this storm inside myself while projecting the most clear and calm exterior.
It's not that anything I'm feeling or need to say is even remotely profound. On a local scale, it might register as a 3, and on a global scale it doesn't even qualify for a 1 rating.
My problems, my concerns, the things that torture me inside aren't that important. I just mostly long for a real connection. A person who would actually care about my most mundane, minute moments of angst and frustration..my most mundane, minute moments of joy.
And the part I think that does depress me greatly is that there just isn't another human being who could live inside my head nor would I ever expect there to be. And so I'm sort of like my own living prison of thoughts and confusion.
Even more so depressing is the idea that I want to get away from myself. And when you don't even like yourself and you want to escape from yourself, what does this say about others? I just don't belong to myself and it depresses me to no end.
It's not that I don't have people around me. In fact, lately, I've been keeping myself in conversations and talking to people constantly. But just because you're around people doesn't make you feel less lonely.
The problem is that I'm not free to say the things I want to say sometimes. I'm trapped by not having any real confidants to confide in and so I keep everything to myself..the real things I want to say and feel. I have to become this storm inside myself while projecting the most clear and calm exterior.
It's not that anything I'm feeling or need to say is even remotely profound. On a local scale, it might register as a 3, and on a global scale it doesn't even qualify for a 1 rating.
My problems, my concerns, the things that torture me inside aren't that important. I just mostly long for a real connection. A person who would actually care about my most mundane, minute moments of angst and frustration..my most mundane, minute moments of joy.
And the part I think that does depress me greatly is that there just isn't another human being who could live inside my head nor would I ever expect there to be. And so I'm sort of like my own living prison of thoughts and confusion.
Even more so depressing is the idea that I want to get away from myself. And when you don't even like yourself and you want to escape from yourself, what does this say about others? I just don't belong to myself and it depresses me to no end.
