Chapter One

I've been blogging for a really long time...since before there was the term blogging. LOL. ...hahaha before there was even L-O-L.

I have a horrible time sleeping at night and what I often do when I feel kind of lost to the night is blog. I used to blog about everything that was on my mind and everything that was going on in my life. I stopped that all about a few years ago when I started blogging specifically about an MMORPG I started playing. World of Warcraft.

But a part of me thinks that chapter of my life is slowly ending. And at the end of it, what's left? Just me again. Alachia the haunted lonely pessimistic anti-social dreamless insomniac.

I had thought about continuing on my old blog but I'm not such a fan of livejournal anymore ever since they wouldn't allow me to post videos.

First things first.. I have got to figure out how to sleep and get on a regular schedule. Second step is to figure out what to do with my life. I don't know who I am or what I want to be anymore.

I'm kind of sick of people saying that I have nothing better to do but hang out with them or talk to I don't have a career anymore... I'm obligated to be desperate.

The reality is that I'm actually been pretty content with being a nobody. I am however not comfortable with how other people try to make me feel like being a nobody is pathetic. It might be...but if I'm okay with it...shouldn't that be okay?

I don't know, we live in a society of judgement. Half of the conversations I had with my co-workers and friends was always about bashing someone else's lifestyle, choices, relationships... He's going nowhere..She's self-absorbed...They're going to break up for sure....There's no way they're happy...etc and on and on.

Why doesn't society teach us to be happy for other not downplay everyone's life like an awaiting tragic story?

"They make a ton of money"... often is followed by "They don't know how to spend money. I'm sure they're not happy if they feel like they have to be that tight They're so cheap"

"They've been together for 2 years now"...often followed by "He's always looking at other chicks and she's totally obsessed with getting married. It won't last"

The books say to not pay attention to what other people think about your life. The Dr. Phil's of our society tell us to just be happy about being who we are. That's just not realistic. Maybe if we lived in a glass box that was perfectly polished and kept on a special shelf all by itself. The problem is that our lives are more like a hacky sack that makes its way by being tossed from foot to foot. I was brought up to get a good chunk of my validation from other people. Suckage....but my life.

Okay. Before this turns into a full scale monologue of all of Alachia's flaws...I'll stop for tonight.